You Thought Adulting Would Feel Different Than This

It’s been three months. Or six months. Or maybe even a year.

You thought you’d be over it by now. The breakup. The friendship that ended. The falling out with your roommate that made everything weird. But you’re still replaying conversations in your head, checking their social media when you promised yourself you’d stop, and feeling stuck while everyone else seems to be moving on just fine.

If you’re a young adult struggling to move forward, this probably sounds familiar. Relationships get more complicated after college when you are managing friendships, work, family, and romantic partners. Life skills that worked, don’t work as well now or even at all in new situations. Getting past hurts and breakups doesn’t work the way we’ve been told it should.

The Problem with “You Should Be Over This By Now"

Somewhere along the line, we all absorbed the idea that healing has a timeline. A few weeks to get over a breakup. A month to adjust to a new city. A semester to figure out your major.

But real life doesn’t work like that.

You can be doing great for a week, then see something that reminds you of them and feel like you’re back at square one. You can feel confident about your decisions one day and completely doubt yourself the next. You can think you’ve moved on, then be so disappointed when that grief pops up again.

What Actually Makes It Harder

The comparison trap. Your friends seem fine after their breakups. Your roommate’s Instagram shows them thriving at their new job. Everyone on social media appears to have their life together - good relationships, clear career paths, actual routines. Meanwhile, you’re barely keeping up with laundry and feeling like a failure at being a functional adult.

Parent involvement that feels suffocating. You’re an adult with your own life, but you still feel like a teenager when your parents weigh in on your choices. You want their approval but also want to make your own decisions. And if you’re financially dependent on them? The guilt of needing their help while wanting independence makes everything messier.

The friendship dynamics no one talks about. Losing a friend group can hurt as much as or more than a romantic breakup, but there’s no roadmap for it. You’re anxious about every text, overanalyzing every interaction, wondering if you’re the problem. Or maybe your friends are all coupling up and moving on to different life stages, and you feel left behind without there ever having been a fight.

The ADHD struggle that makes “adulting” feel impossible. You’re smart and capable, but you keep missing deadlines, forgetting to respond to texts, losing track of your keys and phone (every day!). It feels like everyone else got a manual for adulting that you never received. The harder you try, the more you seem to mess up.

What Actually Helps

Therapy for young adults isn’t about analyzing your childhood (unless that’s actually relevant to what you’re dealing with now). It’s about practical support for what’s most challenging right now.

Figuring out what’s actually keeping you stuck. Is it the person themselves, the story you’re telling yourself about what happened, or what the relationship represented? We work on identifying what’s really going on so you’re not just spinning in circles.

Sorting through the parent stuff. This isn’t about being ungrateful or immature - it’s about navigating a genuinely complicated transition to adulthood. We figure out which battles matter and which don’t, how to set boundaries that feel respectful but firm, and how to build confidence in your own decisions even when your parents disagree.

Processing friendship loss and conflict. We look at what actually happened versus the anxious story your brain is telling you. We identify what you can control versus what you can’t. And we build skills for healthier friendships going forward, including knowing when to repair and when to let go.

Building systems that work with your brain. If you’re dealing with ADHD or just feeling like you can’t get your life together, we work on systems that actually fit how your brain works instead of fighting against it. This is the social work jam of starting with your strengths and what you’re already doing well. We figure out what “adulting” looks like for YOU and your brain.

The Thing No One Tells You

One of the most common things I hear from young adults is: “I feel like I’m the only one struggling with this. Everyone else has it figured out.”

They don’t.

When I worked at a university counseling center, so many students thought they were the only one who was a mess. They couldn’t see how many other students were reaching out for support. Everyone struggles with something. Some people are just better at hiding it. Social media shows you everyone’s highlight reel while you’re living your behind-the-scenes reality.

In therapy, we work on what’s most urgent for you right now. Not everything at once - that’s paralyzing. We take it one chunk at a time, starting with what bothers you the most.

If This Sounds Like You

You don’t need someone telling you to “just move on” or “get over it.” You need someone who understands that healing isn’t linear and can help you actually move forward.

I offer a free 20-minute consultation where we can talk about what’s going on for you right now and figure out if working together makes sense. No pressure. No obligation.

Schedule a consultation here

About the Author:

Joni Lamb, LCSW, has over 20 years of experience helping adults navigate overwhelming life transitions. She specializes in supporting overwhelmed parents, young adults, and adults living with chronic illness through practical, no-nonsense therapy. Based in Evanston, IL, Joni offers telehealth therapy throughout Illinois and Colorado via Joni Lamb Therapy, PLLC.